The Words Escape Me

The following are the words of Lysa TerKuerst from Proverbs 31 Ministries, however they are the echos of what I feel in my own heart, with so much discouragement and disheartening words spoken to and over my life, it seemed nearly impossibale that God could use me to actually do what the deep desires of my heart were calling out for. I had given up hope. Music and ministry were just dreams to me.. something that God had cruely planted in my heart..never to bring to fulfillment...just that eternal longing for something more in this life.

Being around Passion and the Passion movement, I would feel that spark re-ignite, as I was immersed in a "culture" of people who were in love with worship, but that drive would always fade away as day after day I would go to my job as a nurse and do what I got paid to do.... and with the best of intentions, to still pursue music, the music and worship as a routine practice would everntually fade away. Songwriting came in spurts...Nothing that I wrote ever seemed to be able to express the depth of what I was feeling. I would listen to Larua Story's Blessings, or Christy Nockels Healing is in Your Hands, or Waiting Here for You, and I would wonder if I would ever be used to touch the hearts and lives that those people are able to touch with the words that God gives to them to communciate to the world.
Sept/Oct 2010 brought the formation of EN GEDI, as a group of three women (i say girls, but really we are not girls anymore, but Women), and even since the seed of EN GEDI was planted we have been challenged with financial hardships, deaths of loved ones, miscarriages, possible diagnosis of MS, pains that don't go away and the doctors can't find reason for, near-death experience requring ventilator support for 2 weeks in the ICU and extresive rehab, and while I do not know what the future has yet to hold for us, I can and I will CONFESS today, that MY GOD is a FAITHFUL GOD and that which he has started he will bring to completion. It is my prayer that one day we will be able to look back as Lysa can and say that though there has been many times that we've felt like God could never use us, whether from lies spoken to us, or lies spoken over us by those in our lives... that We will be able to stand and say "the words Escape me" as we are blown away with the songs that God brings out of the Desert and stories of those who are able to experience a true Desert Oasis with us.

"It has taken me the better part of two days to figure out how to write this post. Sometimes words do escape me.

But let me start with this…

Seventeen years ago I told someone in a hushed tone I was feeling a tug to speak and write messages that seemed to be coming from Jesus. The gal listening smiled, took my hand, and in all sincerity said, 'That will never happen.'

Thirteen years ago, I pitched a simple attempt at a book proposal to 15 different publishers. Every day for six months I ran to the mailbox with a Pollyanna smile and a thump in my chest. I’d close my eyes, reach inside, and whisper, 'Today could be the day.” Fifteen rejection letters later, my heart no longer thumped when I walked to the mailbox.

Seven years ago I showed up at what was supposed to be the biggest speaking event of my life. The arena was big enough to hold thousands. I had all my friends back home praying. I paid for an assistant to go with me. We shipped hundreds of books and I worked for weeks on my message.

The day of the big event, 11 people showed up. The coordinator of the event was stressed about the microphones not working properly. I assured him I didn’t need a microphone to speak to 11 people and walked down to the floor to spend a day loving on these precious women.

Then during the 2 1/2 hour drive back to the airport, the coordinator’s car broke down. When the tow truck finally arrived, my assistant and I realized there was no back up plan to get us to the airport. We wound up having to hitch hike to the airport several hours away.

I got home and cried.

I could go on for days telling you the hard stories. The flops and failures and fragile insecurities that begged me to stop.

I’ve wanted to quit so many times.

And honestly, I can’t explain why I haven’t except I never felt released. I love Jesus and I love connecting women to Him in deeper and more authentic ways. So, I learned to measure effectiveness in different ways than what the world does.

In God’s economy when a heart truly loves, serves and gives there is no such thing as a small act.

Sometimes reaching out to wipe one woman’s tear does more for the Kingdom of God than delivering a message to a crowd who stands and cheers afterwards. And there will be many days of quiet work where no one but you and Lord knows how much you want to make a difference in this broken world.

Sometimes, as my pastor reminded me this weekend, you have to dig a lot of ditches before the Lord sends an unexplainable rush of water to fill those blister worked places.

Please always remember that.

Please don’t ever diminish one thing you do in the name of our sweet Jesus.

Because one day the water will rush forth in one way or another. 'This is what the Lord says, make this valley full of ditches. For this is what the Lord says: You will see neither wind nor rain, yet the valley will be filled with water…this is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord,' (2 Kings 3: 16-17).

In other words, our job is obedience in the daily ways of life. God’s job is results. When the water comes, we won’t see it coming, we won’t be able to explain it, and it really doesn’t have anything to do with us at all.

Sweet sisters, I’ve never recognized that more clearly than now. Two days ago, my publisher called to tell me on January 23rd, 'Made to Crave' will be listed on the New York Times Best Seller list.

And suddenly the words escaped me."
-Lysa TerKuerst, Proverbs 31 Ministries